My armor is cracked. There’s a way in. It’s often labeled insecurity. It’s a vicious hole in my shield. There’s a barren hole that feels the need to be filled. It will take anything. It just wants to be wanted again. It wants reassurance that it is worthy of something. It views this want as a need and it urges me to fill the missing spots with whatever I can find. This void in my protection is growing. It is becoming desperate. I try to fight it but it’s become a part of me. I am slowly losing myself to a fiend that wants to destroy me. This monster wants me to let myself fall backwards into a pit of self destruction. At one time I thought I had a rope to safety but now that rope has been cut off and alas I am still hazardously falling.This devil is demanding that I take whatever form of ‘love’ I can get. Genuine or imitation. Natural of falsified. There’s a tear in my security that threatens the very heart of me. It wants everything I don’t. I want someone to see me imperfectly but love me all the same. It wants someone to lust after me because I give the illusion of flawlessness. I want to be loved equally and with someones whole heart. It wants the upper hand so that the rest of my armor can survive yet another separation. I want to laugh while it makes me hurt enough to cry. I need to smile but this thing is taking that ability from me. I so urgently need to rid myself of this terrible monstrosity. I need to be freed. I need to recognise my capabilities and my beauty. I need to know that I am worthy of love, of true, selfless love. I need that. I need someone to repair my broken armor and save me from myself. Or maybe I just need to save myself for once.
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